we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
