maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
