THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
