I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
