I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
