two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
