this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
