I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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