Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
