I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize