dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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