Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Are my feet made of real feet?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
