I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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