Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
