So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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