I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
