i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
