Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
