youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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