you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
