if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
