We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize