Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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