I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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