Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
