So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
