Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
