Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
