When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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