She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
