i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize