Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?

(303): View more from Colorado

Knowing your life, probably not.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.

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(646): View more from New York

So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

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(303): View more from Colorado

he thought i was a dude.

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(410): View more from Maryland

After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk

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(404): View more from Georgia

i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent

(770): View more from Georgia

don't you ever do that...

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(770): View more from Georgia

I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

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(906): View more from Michigan

too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious

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(281): View more from Texas

I am a taco. I am also really high.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.

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