this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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