Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
