you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
