Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
