i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
