So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize