I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
