Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
