What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
