That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
