Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
