I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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