that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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