Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
