Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
