i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
