1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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