I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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