He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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