i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
