she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
