Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
