remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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