Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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