just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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