You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
