I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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