i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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