i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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