one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
