I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
