im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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