How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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