So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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