She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
