All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
