i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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