So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
