get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
