quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
