is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
