His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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