You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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