i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
