My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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