I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
