She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's like heaven, but drunker
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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