Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
