yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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