I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Boobs speak an international language.
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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