Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
