just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
