I want to have your abortion
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize