that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
