Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the liver wants what the liver wants
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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