he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
