i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
