ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize