Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
