oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
