Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
