She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
