That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
