we're chasing vodka with high fives
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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