WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize