How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
