Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
