I'm lost and stupid without you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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